I’m sorry, everyone.
I’m sorry, I’m really, really sorry. I bet some of you will probably be thinking, “does this bitch just wants attention or is this just a prank?”. I’m sorry but I’m serious. I just want to repent. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you, intentionally or not. By asking me “why?” and “what happened?” just makes me feel more hurt so I hope you guys will stop asking me that. I’m serious. I’m not saying this to make you guys worry about me. I’m deadly serious. I know I’ve been bitchy and mean at times, and I probably had hurt countless souls and I feel really, really bad. Really really bad till the extend I can’t help feeling so guilty hence I resulted to this. Apologising to everyone whom I’ve hurt. Once, twice, or probably more than that. Yeah okay. That’s all.
-Feeqah
TA-DAAAAAAAA.
I <3 Flora Laura a lot. She’s the BEST History teacher, EVER. Petite, cute, enthusiastic (when she teaches History), sophisticated and obsessed floral-dressed woman. She has been MIA for a week. And she’s BACKK. She looks quite lethargic, her eyes looked puffy like as if she had cried for days and she wasn’t wearing any make-up. Hence, she looked pale. I don’t really know what’s her problem (in a good way), but, I’m glad she looked more like herself today. IDK if the rumour is true. But if it is, i’m sorry for your loss, Mrs Leong but we’ll always be here for you. In History class. To joke with you about Shawty. *Claire sings Shawty call 911, Ayu, Noel &the rest dances*
TWO blardy weeks of remedials in school is almost over. Well, at least it’s ALMOST. We’re practically half dead now. Dying and dreading. Noooooo. Sigh. But at least it’s fun sometimes, being around our cliques. Suddenly it’s very hard for me to remember stuff. Okay, I always seem like as if I’m suffering from STM. But it’s worse now. To remember smth, like when I’ve to keep reminding myself to remember that Parenthood is on Tues and Glee’s on Wednesday, I’ve to talk to myself everytime.
In the train. “Parenthood’s-Tues. Yes. Parenthood’s-Wed. EH, NO! Parenthood’s-Tues? Wait. No, Parenthood’s-Wed. HUH?! *hitting my head hard* dammit, Feeqah. Parenthood’s-TUES! Grrr. *texts Claire about Shawty*”
Walking home. “Glee. Glee. When’s that? OH. Glee-Tues. Wait, no. That’s Parenthood. Glee-Wed. Yes, Wed, Feeqah. Okay, Glee-Wed, Glee-Wed. *Ayu sings* Wait, whaaaat? When’s Glee?! Shoot! Tues or Wedddd?! *cries*” &Ayu annoys me more.
And there’s more. Yes, I’m quite retarded in the inside when I’m thinking and spending time alone. “God knows what’s in my head. In my head, I see you all over me, In my head, youuu fulfill my fantasyyyy”. Yeah. Sometimes music distracts me and I forget stuff easily. Noo, it doesn’t. Not really. Okay, it does. Sometimes. Only.
Now, where was I? Nevermind. ANYWAY, everyone’s drifting apart, lately. Except for Claire <3 Okay and a few. But especially the girls are drifting apart, minding their own stuff. It’s so contagious in 4E3. One mood affects the other. It’s dangerous. Okay. And now a Britney Spears image just came out in my mind. Man, I <3 her. Even though many people claimed that she’s a train-wreck. Hell no. She’s, INSPIRING. Yeah. ANYWAY, about the girls. Ah, yes. Er, I think I’m already done with that. Okay, nevermind.
WILLIAM HUNG = INSPIRING. From a ridiculous nerd (you can add on with the negatives), has turned to a successful artist. Well, at least Claire, Ayu and I think so. He BANGS it RIGHT!
“Talk to më. Tell me your name.
You blow me off, like it’s all the same.
You lit a fuse and now I’m ticking away.
Like a bomb, yeah bayybehh *does the WH dance moves*
She bangs! She bangs! Oh bayybehhh.
When she moves! She moves! I go crayyzehhh.
‘Cause she looks like a flower but she stings like a bee!
Like everrryyy girll, in HISSSTORRYY (FLORA LAURA)”
Teehee!^^
<3.
GLEE <3
Somebody kill meeeeeee. I <3 GLEE. I did’n’t expect myself to watch Glee, what more to <3 it. When Mercedez sang Christina Alguilera’s song, “Beautiful”, 2 days ago, I think I would’ve cried. Okay, noo noo nooo. I won’t. But it IS kinda sad. That episode is <3. Yessss. OHMYGOD. I hope I don’t sound like Erica.
<3 ERICA, HAHAHA *wiinkwiink*
I’m glad I’m not the kind who would get big headed whenever someone compliments me. There were a few times when I was so touched by those compliments and I start believing them. And it made me proud. It feels like I’m higher than where I usually thought I am. You may laugh but it really made me feel like I’m shining. I thought I was just average. Sometimes I feel like I wanna be a lot better than what I am now. Okay, currently, on physical appearances. But then, I was afraid of one thing. Have always afraid of that. I was afraid if I would start believing those compliments and change. Being big headed. And probably thinking I’m more than good looking. More than what other people compliment. I’m afraid of that. I don’t want that feeling. Now, I’m sticking to where I should be. Not high and not low. I don’t have to stand out by depending solely on my appearance.
I believe in charming which would lead attractiveness to your character. When your inner self is beautiful, sooner or later, you will start to bloom. And you’ll be a lot prettier than those who were already born pretty. Inside-out, you’re beautiful. Just stay grounded. Sometimes when you keep telling yourself that you’re ‘beautiful’ to overcome your low self-esteem, it just makes you worse. You might just end up believing it too much, resulting in you thinking that you’re really BEAUTIFUL when you’re frankly not. No offence, but, that’s life. That’s just a true fact. Something that you’ve to suck it in, accept it and move on. Because if you don’t, you’ll just continue leading a sad life, in denial. And that’s just sad.
Basically, don’t get big headed whenever people compliment you and don’t lie to yourself that you’re beautiful and suck that in too much into your head.
If you already know that I don’t show my feelings, then read my eyes. Even an Academy Award Winner for Best Actress can’t lie through their eyes.
Sometimes I wonder why am I walking in this path. Then I remembered. My terrible mistake. That made me face all these things. It’s not my fate. Or maybe I refused to accept it. My horrible mistake when I was only twelve. However, there’s still a chance for me to return to the right pathway. This is the time. This year. To change 180degrees. To where I belong. To where I’m supposed to be. This place is not meant for me to be. Though I’m able to adapt here. It’s not horrible here. It’s just not my place. From how I’m brought up. Who I really am. Some of them are not like me. Sometimes I feel out of place deeply inside. They just don’t know who I really am. I’m not like them. I don’t want to miss this chance. It’s too precious for me. I’ve to go return to that pathway I’m suppose to be walking right now, four years ago. I’ve been down. When I’m supposed to be slightly higher.
If it’s offensive for you, I’m sorry. But that’s just how it is. I’m not being prejudice. But you are who where you really belong.
Page 1 of 5
